I’m using search engines all the time, mainly the big G of course and I know search engines are not perfect when it comes to displaying the correct site for the query provided by the user but some things leave me wondering. Some things also surprise me. And some things scare me, they creep the fuck out of me, to say the least. These are things that G can’t do anything about. These are the things that are the result of some really weird people out there in the Intertubes.
Here are some examples of the most fucked up keywords that got people stranded here. I wonder if they were disappointed or not?
We’ll start easy:
–> yeah. i’m all for that.
–> what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
–> why be specific when there is, like, you know… stuff?
–> tons.
–> a little bit.
–> hardly.
–> i’m sure there are some.
–> probably a lot.
–> somehow i think it’s no mistake that the “in” is missing.
–> i don’t even have a german… wait, what?
–> ok, I don’t really get it, the log is full of this.
–> because having your own opinion is never a good idea?
–> tip: listen to some stuff, the music you like is not the music you don’t like.
–> that’s wrong on so many levels, i don’t even know where to start.
I guess some of these highly disturbing keyword combinations are because of some extensive swearing and quoting of family guy. so yeah, there probably are some negative effects :D
Btw. I’m also pretty happy about some positive keywords that I’m sure actually helped people, but they would have been too boring to share! But now it’s your turn to check the logfile and publish your worst of!
Warning: this post is
RRESTRICTED
under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian
May contain very strong language or strong sexual content/innuendo, strong explicit nudity, strong violence and gore, or strong drug content.
by continuing reading this post you confirm that you meet the required minimum age to view this post.
here’s a fun game for watching movies at home:
- get a bro that’s online and bored as well
- get any instant messenger, like skype, icq or whatever
- get a decent comedy dvd (Idiocracy worked great e.g.)
- start at the same time
- have the chat window ready
- alcoholic drinks are solely optional (but hey, you won’t be drinking alone, technically speaking!)
fun guaranteed. these are only a few snippets but proof of perfect timing. keep in mind that we both had to type that shit while watching :D
———————————————
[20:41:43] KWentin : ahahahaaaaa
[20:41:43] andy : hahaha
———————————————
[20:42:01] andy : no women
[20:42:02] KWentin : no women to be exact
———————————————
[20:42:24] andy : then not you!
[20:42:25] KWentin : then not you
———————————————
[20:44:29] KWentin : email me that
[20:44:29] andy : email me that!
———————————————
[20:46:18] KWentin : they fight just like real people haha
[20:46:20] andy : they fight just like real people
———————————————
[21:03:47] KWentin : haha
[21:03:48] andy : haha
———————————————
[21:09:18] KWentin : there’s no such thing as free titties :)
[21:09:18] andy : there’s no such thing as free titties
———————————————
[21:15:17] KWentin : hahaha
[21:15:17] andy : muhahah
———————————————
[21:38:46] KWentin : ahh
[21:38:46] andy : wah
———————————————
[21:48:04] andy : uh
[21:48:04] KWentin : uhm
———————————————
can you guess the movie? :)
next time i want to do a group-chat and watch The Sound of Music – who’s in?
oh. mein. gott.
fuck me :o
when you talk to someone there are always phrases that you really don’t want to hear. my best example is the question “what kind of music do you like”. there is a specific answer, that i really don’t want to hear. an answer, that makes me turn into the incredible Hulk when I hear it. seriously, it makes my heart and soul bleed.
here’s what happened: recently I had to work in Salzburg and had some co-workers with me. we were four people driving to Salzburg. in the morning, one of my co-workers drove to Salzburg and I myself drove back on the way home. as usual, driver picks the music and since I use the pool-car a lot, I have a few CDs in there and picked “State Radio – Year Of The Crow”. i don’t remember the correct quote, but my youngest co-worker (19) said something about the music, something like if there is anything else we could listen to. by the way, it was not very loud so we could talk as well.
then a co-worker asked her: “what kind of music do you like?”
and she said… wait for it, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait for it…
“well, i like everything”
UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHRRRGGGG!!!!!!
and basically, what is the correct response?
“well, then why should I change the music then?”
seriously, makes. me. mad. therefore my reaction wasn’t very nice. usually i’m much nicer, but “i like everything” basically means, that your musical horizon is limited. very, very, very limited. like only-one-radiostation-limited. ö3-limited. if only someone would think about this sentence, he/she would notice how fucked-up that quote i and that it only means that you didn’t think of the music that you don’t listen to because…. you don’t want to. there is a lot of music i don’t like or don’t want to listen to, but i know it’s there.
to hell with the most obvious choices like techno or folk, there are some kinds of music one couldn’t even imagine. for example, my brother once played pitbull grindcore to me. the recorded barks of pitbulls together with the usual instruments. take a look at “Caninus” – “Vocals are executed by two pit bull terriers. Both were rescued days before euthanization from refuges. Caninus – all strict vegans. It has come time really to allow the animals to have their say.” Hear/see them on last.fm :D
Also, there is “Hatebeak“ – Face-crushing guitars, head-pounding drums, bass so low you’ll vacate your bowels, and vocals so scorching, so extreme they simply can’t be human! They’re not. This death metal outfit with a parrot for a singer makes trashes the pathetic birdfeeder you call the metal underground”. see them on last.fm :D
But why go to such extreme measures? For sure you find easier examples much faster (“Metallica? ewwww gross!!!”) for the average “I like everything”-person, because it’s pretty obvious that there is not a snowball’s chance in hell someone likes everything. take classics like Bach or Mozart for example as well… and for that reason I’m thinking of doing a small compilation to play to people when I hear the famous “i like everything” sentence. I’ll call it “some things you just don’t know yet”. But then again, i’m probably a freak.
… or maybe i just like music that much.
the answer is somewhere in between.
but i ask you:
what do you think, why would someone say he/she likes everything?
who. does. that.
